While I am overjoyed for all my friends who are recently engaged/married, I can't help but notice my blaring singleness in a sea of happy couples. I am an exception to the Christian College norm. How much longer am I going to have to wait to find love?
I've been living under the impression that I deserve a relationship. Why else would God give me this innate desire for marriage? Am I a failure?
Our individualistic culture has bought into the idea that marriage can bring ultimate fulfillment. For many, it is the climax of their happiness. The "first day of the rest of their life."
Marriage is good, but above all we should seek God.
I was pursuing fulfillment and self-worth through my relationships with others, rather than Christ. Often in the church we hear "be the woman God made you to be, focus on that, and then the husband will come." But what if the husband doesn't come?
Don't get sold on a deal, rather than a Savior.
Christ is indeed the source of all blessing, but He is not the magic solution to life's problems-
He is life itself!
So for now, I'm single and content in it.
Because I've decided I'm not going to wait until marriage.
"Cease striving and know that I am God."- Psalm 46:10
Stop waiting for "The One". Do not put your life on hold. Each day is a gift. Seek joy and growth and opportunities to really live. With a man by my side or not, I want to wake up every morning madly in love with my Savior, Jesus Christ. Every day. For the rest of my life.
"I'd rather have the right God than the wrong man."- Christen Rapske
Not sure if you're still in the single boat since this post was from a year ago, but I hear your pain. Not sure if we ever got a chance to meet, but I also went to Dordt, and especially in that community, and in Reformed churches (which I love), the norm does seem to be marriage. I have three older brothers who all went to Dordt and found wives. Subconsciously I thought for sure the same would happen for me, but it didn't.
ReplyDeleteLike you I was frustrated because I had this desire which I am certain is from God, and yet seemingly it was unfulfilled.
While I would say you may be in the minority (as you mention) in that community, overall we are in the majority of our millennial peers that are waiting longer to get married (i.e. late twenties), so don't feel bad. However, as I'm sure you've probably seen, many people in our generation instead live with each other instead of getting married. This is disturbing to me as a Christian, and so I find myself caught in the middle of these two worlds (especially here in California). On the one hand I wish I were happily married, but I also enjoy my singleness, while the world around me seems to say that if I am not pursuing other means of fulfillment (i.e. cohabitation or promiscuity) then I am somehow missing out on life.
I think it is important to remember that our identities are wrapped up in the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and not in the relationships of this earth. "But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ." -Philippians 3:20
While marriage certainly is a God-ordained institution, there is so much life to live-even apart from this. I try to think of it in terms of seasons of life. Every season is unique and important, no better than the next or previous season. Opportunities in this season of my singleness likely will not be available once (God-willing) I do find that special someone. Even if that happens, there can always be the temptation for more out of life or waiting for the next season of life to come such as--when will I get that job? When will I have kids? When will I retire? When will I have grandkids, etc.
Life is too fleeting to be wrapped up in the worries of this age. And yet, the desire remains. Valentine's Day happens and all of your friends lovey-dovey dates and romantics are plastered on social media. I may scoff at it, but deep down it is probably because I desire it. And that's ok!
You seem to have a beautiful spirit, and I can tell that your heart is for the Lord. Your desire is not misplaced-it is from God, but don't let that specific desire define you. Let your faith, actions, and service to the Lord define you.
Hope this finds you well!
P.S. I believe our grandparents were best friends. Lloyd and Claire Gross were best friends with my Grandfather Reverend Leonard Stockmeier (perhaps the name rings a bell....or not), now deceased. I often drove my grandpa up to the URC in Phoenix for services some years ago. Maybe we met then? God Bless! -Michael
Just happened to stumble across your blog! Thank you for your encouraging words; they really hit home for me as I have been feeling many of the same emotions and asking the same questions you described. Contentment is so hard, but if it is in Christ, I know it will be worth it!
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